Saturday, January 22, 2011

QUICKIES to make you chuckle...

These are some short funnies to make you laugh no matter what kind of day you are having.

1.) I dialed a number today and got the following recorded message:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of those changes."

2.) Aspire to inspire before you expire!!!

3.) My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine...

4.) Frustration is trying to find your glasses, without your glasses...

5.) The irony of life is that by the time y0u're old enough to know your way around,
you're not going anywhere!

6.) God made man before woman to give man time to think of an answer for her first question!

7.) I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder and harder to find one.

8.) Man comes home, finds his wife in bed with his friend, he shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says; "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

9.) What's the difference between, stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when the wife is pregnant...
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant...
Panic is when both are pregnant at the same time...

10.) Teacher asks: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid raises his hand and says;
"Yeah, once my sister missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack, and our neighbors father ran away.

11.) A woman asks a man she see's traveling with six children;
"Are all these kids yours?"
The man replied; "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints."

12.) A young boy asks his dad; "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad answers; "You are my son, I am confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, but that's confidential."

Nominated as the best email joke of last year...

A three-year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom," he asked. "are these my brains?"
"NOT YET!" she replied...